Lessons from Mother

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this is one of my favorite funnies....

 

My Mother and her dog Izzy

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My Mother
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1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill
each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the
carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going
to knock you into the middle of next week."

4. My mother taught me LOGIC. "Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your
neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case
you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry
about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat
your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the
back of your neck?"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. "You'll sit there until all that spinach
is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado
went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a
million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me about the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this
world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your
father."

15. My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate
children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get
home."

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes,
they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when
you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't
come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your
vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were
born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. My mother taught me JUSTICE. "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn
out just like you."

How many of these did your mother teach? AND how many did you teach your
children?